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ATTENTION ALL BITCHES AND HOES!!! and all you other people too... [Tuesday
April 12th, 2005
 or i'll cry and be sad :'( and lord knows i'm like that enough as it is.
so yeah... add it bitch!
w00tw00t that's damn sexay if i do say so myself

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April 12th, 2005
[ mood | my heart hurts ]

i hate to love and love to hate him

i wish i could work my life out
i wish i didn't have to think the thoughts that i think
i wish i could get over this
i wish i could've just deleted his number and never talked to him again
i wish i hadn't convinced him to go into the same acting class as me
i wish i could have a different life
i wish i could go back in time and do about a billion things differently
i wish i could make all this hurt go away
i wish i could read peoples minds
i wish i couldn't love
i wish i could only love friends... like as in a friendly way
i wish i could stop wishing...

so i think i will
and just deal with all this pain...
so i finally get over him, or so i think... i actually think i am though... or maybe i'm just lying to myself... so i start liking someone else... but that won't work either. did i expect it to? nothing ever works for me. nothing. i'm just good at faking. so i accept the fact that won't work... then i get involved kinda with another guy, but does that work out either? NO! of course not. apparently he now doesn't want to have anything to do with me unless i have sex with him. which i wont. i hate my life, i hate the situations that i put myself in... it's the god awful truth that love's an excuse to get hurt i wish i could just dissappear and not have to deal with my life... i hate feeling this way all the time... i wish i could just get up the courage to call him and ask why he never showed up... but all i can do i sit here... crying inside... and not really being able to do shit about it.

the end

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April 11th, 2005
well i haven't updated this for a while...
i had a really fun weekend that entailed dinner at i-hop
two hilarious movies
some very funny prank calls
to a certain heartbreaker whom i hate
ohh lala good times...
i miss talking to my darlings on MSN though!
i've been with my dad at his house
from friday up until now
and my computer doesn't recieve WiFi at his house
so i can't go on MSN
cause it's on my computer
which can't go online without WiFi
so i'm MSNless
and it makes me very sad

the end
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April 9th, 2005
No smoking around Emma . Thankyou for your co-operation.


From Go-Quiz.com
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April 9th, 2005
[ mood | anxious ]

i couldn't do it...
i called his cell phone...
but the minute i heard his voice...
i hung up

i need to talk to him
i want to talk to him
but i cant talk to him
i shouldnt
i wont
but that doesnt stop me from wanting to

i just want to be able to ask him to explain himself
ask him why he wasnt here
ask him if he knows how much he hurt me
but i cant
and i wont

the end

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April 8th, 2005
[ mood | chipper ]

yesssssssssssssss we get to watch futurama now!!! i love futurama!!! i love miles chen's chemistry class. i fucking LOVE it. we're going to watch the 'y of fry' or 'a cyclops built for two' but miles just decided that we're gonna watch the clone one, but we're really gonna watch watch 'amazon women in the something...' i didn't catch the last word oh well. byeas!

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April 7th, 2005
pointless... everything's pointless

sometimes i just wished people cared.

Watching the days burning out like a cigarette, just a few drags to go
You built me up and you broke me down somehow
Everything just seemed so clear to me, nothing left to know
I'll love you right and I'll love you pure, right now

How can you say, that it's too late
To save us now

And I would wait for you (oh), if you would wait for me (yeah)
And I will wait for you (oh), if you will wait for me (yeah)

Intoxicated the edge is serrated, so easily torn from the core
I blushed the first time, but you blushed the last time my eyes in your mind
Regenerated these feelings of hatred, I long for your love evermore
You built me up and you broke me down this time

And I would wait for you (oh), if you would wait for me (yeah)
And I will wait for you (oh), if you will wait for me (yeah)

How can you say, that it's too late
To save us now

How can you say
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April 7th, 2005
[ mood | insane ]

really and truly...
i hate the word love
i hate the feeling of it too
i hate the fact that i can't fall out of it
i hate the way he always makes me laugh
i hate how it hurts when he doesn't care at all
i hate how i've tried but i still can't manage...
to hate him

this morning during morning meeting the meditaition was one on like
"loving kindness" or someting just as stupid...
i don't even really remember what happened, but i completely tuned out for a while
and i kinda fell asleep but when i woke up the first thing i heard was something like...
"what's the first thing that comes into your heart?"
and slowly but surely
his name found it's way
into my head
and now
i can't cry
i can't smile
i can't figure this out
i can't let him go
no matter how much it hurts

there was another entry i think
where i said that my heart felt like it was in vise and like it was just getting squeezed
and tighter
and that's how it feels now
and it fucking sucks



i don't want to die... i don't want to hurt myself... i just want the pain to stop...

it's enought to make someone go crazy.

but i don't have to worry about that... i already am.

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April 6th, 2005
[ mood | crazy ]

so... wow... this is kinda awkward. pearl and jack just left the library and now i'm left all alone here in the library with eliot... he's just kinda sitting at one end of the library and i'm at the other. it's really kinda peaceful. in the background 'First Day of My Life' by bright eyes. wow... this is really sort of awkward... oh well... people i'd love you forever if you'd comment because comments make me happy, and i'm better when i'm happy... max just walked into the library, but he left again pretty quick. it's a cozy room... i'm kind of afraid, jack just walked through the library and asked if we'd seen alex fulbright. eliot said no and jack left... still awkward. now i'm about to listen to the blood brothers... i love this song so much... i usually always listen to 'Love Rhymes with Hideous Car Wreck' which is what i'm listening to right now

Love Rhymes with Hideous Car WreckCollapse )

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April 5th, 2005
[ mood | depressed ]

listening to tom play 'emily' by from first to last almost made me cry.

preston used to play that song for me

he's the one who fucking told me about the song...

dear god... i just don't think i'll ever be over him

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April 5th, 2005
[ mood | crazy ]

Dear emma,

You are really _____. You should _____. We need to go _____. After that we can _____. Remember that time we _____? That was really _____. Maybe tomorrow we can _____.I really want to _____ with you. You are my _____. I _____ you!

Signed your _____,
p.s. _____.

Fill it out..reply in the comments


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April 4th, 2005
[ mood | heartsick///tragically in love ]

i hate falling in love...
i really do...
is it possible to like kill that part of you?
so that you can't fall so head over heels for someone?
if it is possible
please please PLEASE tell me
i can't go on like this
it hurts too much
i don't want to feel this sad
and i know that emotions like this usually pass
cause someone will make me laugh
and then i'll feel happier
but really...
it's eating away at me...
i mean, my heart is actually starting to hurt

...i'm not talking about who you think i'm talking about...
or i could be...
you'd never know would you?
cause i hide things too damn well

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April 3rd, 2005
[ mood | sad ]

why do i feel like crying? cause i really do and it sucks...Collapse )

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April 3rd, 2005
things that i miss a lot:

alex b.
the summer
my lip venom
my sanity...
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April 1st, 2005


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April 1st, 2005
[ mood | tired ]

yanno what's sad? i couldn't sleep and i got bored... so i decided to do homework... what's wrong with me doctor? can you please perscribe me something that will make my pain and my insanity go away?

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March 31st, 2005
[ mood | silly ]


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March 28th, 2005
i'll be taking my leave of the computerized world for a few days
tis tragic.
i'll return to you lovelies on wednesday night though.
i ♥ you
and i shall miss you
i shall miss you like the sand misses the waves when the tide is low
good bye for now my loves
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This Fucking Crazy Weekend [Sunday
March 27th, 2005
[ mood | tired ]

soooooo here's a summary of my weekend

love rhymes with pity nowCollapse )

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March 24th, 2005
it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.

please comment with your opinion
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