love's an excuse to get hurt [entries|friends|calendar] e.m.m.a bang bang guns go BANG [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

ATTENTION ALL BITCHES AND HOES!!! and all you other people too... [Tuesday April 12th, 2005 9:35pm] I HAVE A NEW USERNAME!!! SO FUCKING ADD IT!!!  or i'll cry and be sad :'( and lord knows i'm like that enough as it is. so yeah... add it bitch! ____namecalling w00tw00t that's damn sexay if i do say so myself </span> beep beep

[Tuesday April 12th, 2005 2:18pm] [ mood | my heart hurts ] [ music | miles talking about vector lengths ] i hate to love and love to hate him i wish i could work my life out i wish i didn't have to think the thoughts that i think i wish i could get over this i wish i could've just deleted his number and never talked to him again i wish i hadn't convinced him to go into the same acting class as me i wish i could have a different life i wish i could go back in time and do about a billion things differently i wish i could make all this hurt go away i wish i could read peoples minds i wish i couldn't love i wish i could only love friends... like as in a friendly way i wish i could stop wishing... so i think i will and just deal with all this pain... so i finally get over him, or so i think... i actually think i am though... or maybe i'm just lying to myself... so i start liking someone else... but that won't work either. did i expect it to? nothing ever works for me. nothing. i'm just good at faking. so i accept the fact that won't work... then i get involved kinda with another guy, but does that work out either? NO! of course not. apparently he now doesn't want to have anything to do with me unless i have sex with him. which i wont. i hate my life, i hate the situations that i put myself in... it's the god awful truth that love's an excuse to get hurt i wish i could just dissappear and not have to deal with my life... i hate feeling this way all the time... i wish i could just get up the courage to call him and ask why he never showed up... but all i can do i sit here... crying inside... and not really being able to do shit about it. the end beep beep

[Monday April 11th, 2005 9:06pm] well i haven't updated this for a while... i had a really fun weekend that entailed dinner at i-hop two hilarious movies some very funny prank calls to a certain heartbreaker whom i hate ohh lala good times... i miss talking to my darlings on MSN though! i've been with my dad at his house from friday up until now and my computer doesn't recieve WiFi at his house so i can't go on MSN cause it's on my computer which can't go online without WiFi so i'm MSNless and it makes me very sad the end beep beep

[Saturday April 9th, 2005 1:33pm] NOTE: z No smoking around Emma . Thankyou for your co-operation. Username: From Go-Quiz.com beep beep

[Saturday April 9th, 2005 1:28pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | the greatest fall (of all time) by matchbook romance ] i couldn't do it... i called his cell phone... but the minute i heard his voice... i hung up i need to talk to him i want to talk to him but i cant talk to him i shouldnt i wont but that doesnt stop me from wanting to i just want to be able to ask him to explain himself ask him why he wasnt here ask him if he knows how much he hurt me but i cant and i wont the end beep beep

[Friday April 8th, 2005 11:06am] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | futurama theme song ] yesssssssssssssss we get to watch futurama now!!! i love futurama!!! i love miles chen's chemistry class. i fucking LOVE it. we're going to watch the 'y of fry' or 'a cyclops built for two' but miles just decided that we're gonna watch the clone one, but we're really gonna watch watch 'amazon women in the something...' i didn't catch the last word oh well. byeas! ♥ beep beep

[Thursday April 7th, 2005 10:33pm] [ music | ciggarette by yellowcard ] pointless... everything's pointless sometimes i just wished people cared. Watching the days burning out like a cigarette, just a few drags to go You built me up and you broke me down somehow Everything just seemed so clear to me, nothing left to know I'll love you right and I'll love you pure, right now How can you say, that it's too late To save us now And I would wait for you (oh), if you would wait for me (yeah) And I will wait for you (oh), if you will wait for me (yeah) Intoxicated the edge is serrated, so easily torn from the core I blushed the first time, but you blushed the last time my eyes in your mind Regenerated these feelings of hatred, I long for your love evermore You built me up and you broke me down this time And I would wait for you (oh), if you would wait for me (yeah) And I will wait for you (oh), if you will wait for me (yeah) How can you say, that it's too late To save us now How can you say beep beep

[Thursday April 7th, 2005 9:03am] [ mood | insane ] [ music | Miles is talking about electrocution ] really and truly... i hate the word love i hate the feeling of it too i hate the fact that i can't fall out of it i hate the way he always makes me laugh i hate how it hurts when he doesn't care at all i hate how i've tried but i still can't manage... to hate him this morning during morning meeting the meditaition was one on like "loving kindness" or someting just as stupid... i don't even really remember what happened, but i completely tuned out for a while and i kinda fell asleep but when i woke up the first thing i heard was something like... "what's the first thing that comes into your heart?" and slowly but surely his name found it's way into my head and now i can't cry i can't smile i can't figure this out i can't let him go no matter how much it hurts there was another entry i think where i said that my heart felt like it was in vise and like it was just getting squeezed tighter and tighter and that's how it feels now and it fucking sucks I HATE THIS FEELING! IT MAKES ME WANT TO RIP MY FUCKING HEART OUT OF MY CHEST SO I DON'T HAVE TO FEEL ANYTHING!   i don't want to die... i don't want to hurt myself... i just want the pain to stop... it's enought to make someone go crazy. but i don't have to worry about that... i already am. beep beep

[Wednesday April 6th, 2005 12:00pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | Wires and Waves by Rilo Kiley ] so... wow... this is kinda awkward. pearl and jack just left the library and now i'm left all alone here in the library with eliot... he's just kinda sitting at one end of the library and i'm at the other. it's really kinda peaceful. in the background 'First Day of My Life' by bright eyes. wow... this is really sort of awkward... oh well... people i'd love you forever if you'd comment because comments make me happy, and i'm better when i'm happy... max just walked into the library, but he left again pretty quick. it's a cozy room... i'm kind of afraid, jack just walked through the library and asked if we'd seen alex fulbright. eliot said no and jack left... still awkward. now i'm about to listen to the blood brothers... i love this song so much... i usually always listen to 'Love Rhymes with Hideous Car Wreck' which is what i'm listening to right now ( Love Rhymes with Hideous Car Wreck ) beep beep

[Tuesday April 5th, 2005 6:36pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | listening to tom play something on the guitar ] listening to tom play 'emily' by from first to last almost made me cry. preston used to play that song for me he's the one who fucking told me about the song... dear god... i just don't think i'll ever be over him beep beep

[Tuesday April 5th, 2005 12:30pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | Nobody puts baby in the corner by fallout boy ] Dear emma, You are really _____. You should _____. We need to go _____. After that we can _____. Remember that time we _____? That was really _____. Maybe tomorrow we can _____.I really want to _____ with you. You are my _____. I _____ you! Signed your _____, _____ p.s. _____. Fill it out..reply in the comments PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO THIS!!! I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER IF YOU DO!!!!!!!!!! beep beep

[Monday April 4th, 2005 1:01pm] [ mood | heartsick///tragically in love ] [ music | miles talking, but Emily by From First to Last is in my head ] i hate falling in love... i really do... is it possible to like kill that part of you? so that you can't fall so head over heels for someone? if it is possible please please PLEASE tell me i can't go on like this it hurts too much i don't want to feel this sad and i know that emotions like this usually pass cause someone will make me laugh and then i'll feel happier but really... it's eating away at me... i mean, my heart is actually starting to hurt ...i'm not talking about who you think i'm talking about... or i could be... you'd never know would you? cause i hide things too damn well beep beep

[Sunday April 3rd, 2005 2:26pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | Nobody puts baby in the corner by fallout boy ] ( why do i feel like crying? cause i really do and it sucks... ) beep beep

[Sunday April 3rd, 2005 1:38pm] things that i miss a lot: alex b. tom preston the summer my lip venom my sanity... beep beep

[Friday April 1st, 2005 8:22am] HAPPY MOTHER FUCKING APRIL FOOLS DAY MOTHER FUCKERS!!! ♥ beep beep

[Friday April 1st, 2005 1:05am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | evil by interpol ] yanno what's sad? i couldn't sleep and i got bored... so i decided to do homework... what's wrong with me doctor? can you please perscribe me something that will make my pain and my insanity go away? beep beep

[Thursday March 31st, 2005 10:25pm] [ mood | silly ] [ music | Science vs. Romance ] 011000100110100101101110011000010111001001111001001000000110001101101111011001000110010100100000011010010111001100100000011100110110111100100000011001100111010101100011011010110110100101101110011001110010000001101011011010010110001101101011001000000110000101110011011100110010000100100000011010010010011101101101001000000110110101100001011010110110100101101110011001110010000001110100011010000110100101110011001000000110010101101110011101000111001001111001001000000110100101101110001000000110100001101111011011100110111101110010001000000110111101100110001000000110110101100101011001110110011101100101011100100010000001110111011010000110111100100000011011100110010101100101011001000111001100100000011101000110111100100000011011000110010101100001011100100110111000100000011000100110100101101110011000010111001001111001001000000110001101101111011001000110010100101110001000000110100100100000011011000110111101110110011001010010000001111001011011110111010100100000011000010110110001101100001000010010000100100001001000000110101101101001011100110111001100100000011010110110100101110011011100110010000001101011011010010111001101110011001000000110101101101001011100110111001100100000011010110110100101110011011100110010000100100000011010010110011000100000011110010110111101110101001000000110011001101001011011100110010000100000011011110111010101110100001000000111011101101000011000010111010000100000011101000110100001101001011100110010000001101101011001010110000101101110011100110010000001110000011011110111001101110100001000000110000100100000011000110110111101101101011011010110010101101110011101000010000001101001011011100010000001100101011010010111010001101000011001010111001000100000011010000110010101111000001000000110111101110010001000000110111101100011011101000110000101101100001011100010111000101110001000000110111101110010001000000110001001101001011011100110000101110010011110010010110000100000011101000110100001100001011101000010011101110011001000000110001101101111011011110110110000100000011101000110111101101111 beep beep

[Monday March 28th, 2005 9:24am] i'll be taking my leave of the computerized world for a few days tis tragic. i'll return to you lovelies on wednesday night though. i ♥ you and i shall miss you i shall miss you like the sand misses the waves when the tide is low good bye for now my loves beep beep

This Fucking Crazy Weekend [Sunday March 27th, 2005 3:03pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Grand Theft Autumn by Fallout Boy ] soooooo here's a summary of my weekend ( love rhymes with pity now ) beep beep

[Thursday March 24th, 2005 11:58am] it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. please comment with your opinion beep beep

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